Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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