You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
