I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize