Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is the high leading the old right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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