dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize