I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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