If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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