they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
