i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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