I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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