You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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