Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
