i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize