he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
