Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
