Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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