Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
