On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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