girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
