I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize