like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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