He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
