Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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