I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
