Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
