so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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