fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize