i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
