So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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