Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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