well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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