Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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