Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I want is dick and wine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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