i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
