yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
