so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
