If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
