come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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