CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
