my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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