Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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