I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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