Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
