Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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