omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
