Say something about gay babies.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
