It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
