He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
