8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
