I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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