I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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