First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
