he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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