matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
