Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
