She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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