I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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