Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
