U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize