Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
