Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
