There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
