I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He did a backflip because drugs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize