Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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