My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
