Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
