Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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