i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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