this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My bed smells like the plague
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
