Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize