Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
