literally had 100 drinks last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
