I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
