dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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